A blog from Mr. Mike Simmons, in classic Mike style… (with a little assistance)

Rosie and I were bellied up to the bar nursing our shot glasses of sipping tequila when we heard the swinging doors open and the sound of boots on the floor of La Casa Richardson. Apprehensively, we looked in that direction and both breathed a sigh of relief as Steve tipped his hat in our direction. We’d heard rumors of the Dove Mountain Gang riding through town causing trouble and trouble was the last thing on our minds. We’re just a pair of future grandparents enjoying our last evening in town before heading off for the big city.

I had been reminded by Rose to be on my best behavior. If you look for trouble, trouble will find you, she said. I laughed at her wit. She told me, either you stay away from my purse during the course of the evening or she would put her foot so far up my ass she’d lose a shoe… which would be a pretty good trick for someone whose feet are the size of hot dog buns. And I wasn’t prepared to explain the shoe to the local doctor whose knowledge of anesthesia consisted of whiskey, tequila, and a stick to bite on.

The evening began innocently enough, drinks and snacks, chit-chat and small talk about homesteads for sale in the area, and exchanging other pleasantries before we headed down the wooden sidewalks to the Dove Mountain Grille. It was about this time that my recollection starts to blur, but I’ll try my best to recount the story.

I imagined the rest of the evening went like…

(Clinking glasses and restaurant background noise)

Waiter: “Hi, my name is Phil and I’ll be your waiter tonight…Drinks for everyone? We have some specials tonight on margaritas. Yes sir, he says to Rick. I’d be happy to bring the table a round of them.”
Sandi: “It sure will be lonely in the back of the bus this year…”
Mike: “Who else have you asked to take our place…?”
Liann: “So and so but we just didn’t think they’d want to go…”
Rose: “What about so and so…”
Sandi: “Naw, they probably couldn’t put up with all of us for two weeks!. I sure wish you guys would just come with us to Scotland!”
Steve: “Phil, can we have another round of Margaritas?”

(A local cowboy starts playing some Fleetwood Mac on his guitar)

Rose: “What lovely music they’re playing tonight… what’s that song called? Winds of Change?”
Rick: “We made our flight reservations last night…, we sure are going to miss having you guys on the bus.”
Steve: “Mike? Are you losing weight?”
Mike: “No (pointing to his stomach) this is a gas tank for a sex machine”

(Laughter from our table… and several others nearby)

Sandi: “See! That’s why we need you on the bus… we sure will miss you guys in Scotland…”
Rick: “Oh look, Phil brought another round of Margaritas… let’s order some food”
Mike: “Rose, what did you order…it looks like a deep fried spider monkey…“

(More laughter)

Mike: “Oh yes, another Margarita over here please… Surely you can find someone else can’t you?”
Steve: We won’t have to if you just press this little button on my cell phone…why, we’ll even pay for your dinner tonight…”
Mike: “Let’s sneak the salt and pepper shakers into Rose’s purse while she’s in the rest room… Ah, here comes my little Javalina…
Rose: What’s this in my purse…?
Mike: “Busted!”

(More laughter…)

Sandi: “Mike, please tell us another joke!”
Mike: “…going uptown…? No, downtown… straight through…? Stop along the way… shit I’m on the wrong bus…”

(More laughter…)

Dove Mountain Gang: “See what a good time we have? We need you on the bus… there will be no conflicts… the grandbaby will be fine… Here, just press this little button on the cell phone… no worries…”

(The cell phone button is clicked and an email is on its way to Ron and the Blog announcing the news)

Dove Mountain Gang: “Yea! You guys are back!!!”

(More laughter and celebrations)

Waiter: “…more Margarita’s?”
Steve: “Yes, and bring him the check”

(Fade to black…)

The next morning I awoke with a start…was it all a dream? Who the hell is the Dove Mountain Gang? Are we really back on the bus? And where the hell did this shoe and stick come from?